I recently wrote about my Long Distant Relationship (LDR) with my dood (let’s call him ‘Sean’) and how I was trying to determine if it was worth continuing or not. At the time that I posted it, we were seeing each other sporadically and for short stints and I was having emo-attacks thinking it wasn’t going to work out (some of that was because of my move to San Francisco and change of jobs). I am still trying to figure out what really works for me in a relationship but I am happy to report that the LDR thing isn’t so bad after all.
In fact, we are currently on a roll because between Seattle, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Orlando, and again in San Francisco we will have been with each other for the better part of a month. So now that we have spent a ton of time together the attacks have stopped and I am more certain then ever that I want to make this thing work. I was worried that the opposite would have happened where if I was with him more often that I would get tired of “us” and hanging out all the time, but the more I hang out the more I want to.
Despite this positive change of events, I often wonder if I’m crazy to feel this way considering my previous, and recently failed relationship. On the other hand maybe Sean and I just click better. We have a good mix of conservative and crazy and we laugh all the time. And when I say all the time, I am being literal – whether it’s online or IRL we are total retards with each other. I have seen and spoken with my ex quite a few times over the past few weeks and not once have I felt remorse or had any residual feelings. In fact, we had a really nice conversation about his girlfriend and my dood. We both want each other to be happy and that is an incredible relief to feel free of the past and to move on.
So, what makes me happy in a relationship? In some ways I like to fly by the seat of my pants and take risks. On the other hand I am conservative and traditional. When it comes to love I like a cross between the two. I am monogamous and not into sexing up every boy in town, but I also don’t need the house with the picket fence. I am really bad with routine and not terribly domesticated and change my mind a lot before I commit (hmm, I might want to work on that).
I can definitely report that being with Sean means lack of routine. We pretty much plan things spur of the moment – in fact I just got back from Orlando where Sean participated on a panel for a blogging conference. I think that making an effort to see each other even if for a weekend and sticking to our deal on maximum time apart, is a key ingredient to our current success. Additionally, we have a lot in common but more importantly have a lot that’s not in common which keeps things very interesting (stay tuned for my post on dating a vegan). He is so different from anyone I have ever dated before. I think I read somewhere about breaking free of patterns where you are attracted to the same kind of person all the time can put you on a whole new relationship plain. I also think that being friends first and going on our 101 road trip made a big difference in getting to know each other in a no pressure situation.
That’s my update for now…I very much appreciated the very thoughtful comments that so many of you provided on my initial post… supportive and positive and I especially liked the happy endings. ☺