There’s this dood. I’ve known him since March of this year – met him through my best friend at SXSW (I’m sure you’ve heard this story before).
We chatted – he showed me how to eat a banana “properly”, I told him that he scared the shit out of me when he was yielding a big knife at a party and it wasn’t a good way to meet girls, and other normal stuff like that. Ultimately we bonded over failed marriages as our divorces were within a month of each other and we were married for about the same amount of time and are the same age if you can believe it. (Well I can now after discovering that it’s pretty common to date fellow divorcees). We were really just friends to begin with because I was actually at South By with someone else but that’s a whole other post and a half.
Anyway, we IM’d, texted, ate drank, the usual. After May when we did a roadtrip together we decided to make things a bit more official. Neither of us like labels but it seemed that we didn’t want to be dating anyone else so what the heck. I think that the nomenclature was “more than like.” And yes, because I know you are wondering, we are out of high school.
So here we are 4 months later and I still dig him. Last text message from him indicates he feels the same. Problem is that we don’t live in the same city. He’s in LA and I’m in SF. I thought it would be perfect because LA and SF aren’t very far apart and I would have lots of time to do my own thing and not feel all clausterphobic. The problem is that when we are together it’s 24×7 and I’m terrible at doing “that” (hence my divorce?) and when we are apart I feel very disconnected despite being tethered virtually so to speak. I have no intention of moving to LA, I just moved to SF and LOVE IT and think LA is nice to visit but not to live. He is super in love with LA and has publicy despised SF. Not great combos.
Over this past week I have had a similar conversation with three other people and not one person has said it’s easy to do the long distance thing and even gave me a big sigh and look of sadness. One couple is separated by an ocean and have been doing it for over a year. One guy just met a girl in Las Vegas and isn’t sure what to do next because he’s in SF. And another gal told me that the limit on LD relationships is 4 months max. I do know of a great story of friends that dated for a long time between Seattle and Los Angeles and she made the big move up to Seattle. I haven’t checked in on them lately but I am sure it is bliss.
I should mention that me and my dood see each other at least once per month. He does more of the traveling to see me because his schedule is more flexible. In fact we did the math to determine the max time apart and it came out to 12 days and we’ve been sticking to that give or take a few days.
I can’t complain about the effort that he is putting in, just the opposite, but I can’t say I don’t get frustrated when I’m out with other couples and am the odd wheel, or I want to go to a movie and would love to just call my dood and hang out. Heck – just cuddling on the couch.
We decided to see where we are at in December when we take a trip together. I’m pretty bad though, I have big moments of angst and impatience so it is going to be a real trial for me to go 4 more months without complaining or throwing my hands up. I mean, there are lots of “fish in the sea” right? How do I know that I should stick it out?
Now I’m at the point where I want to hear some good stories about it actually working out and the happily ever afters and all that. My roommate told me to stop thinking about it so much but that’s just not me. I’m a thinker, and a doer and right now I can think a lot but not a lot I can do.
So, is there hope for a long distance relationship?