Last week caused a big change for me in how I think about being pregnant and my connection with our baby. At our 20 week ultrasound we found out that Baby Bonner (BB) is in fact Baby BOY Bonner (B3). Neither Sean nor I had any preference about the gender, although my Mum had intuition it was a girl and proved it by sending down a plasma TV sized box of all my baby dresses.

On Wednesday we were sitting in one of the patient rooms at the doctor’s office with the ultrasound machine checking out all the buttons. I noticed the 3D and 4D buttons and we were prepared to give it a go because it’s just a computer and we know how to work those. Just as I was about to press a button, the machine operator, Dr. Blumenfeld entered the room. He asked us separately if we wanted to know the baby’s sex and we both eagerly nodded our heads and firmly said “yes!”

He put the goo on my stomach and my heart started pounding. Just like at my last ultrasound I started to get nervous that he would find something wrong with BB. He placed the wand on my belly and I held my breath. He moved it around a little bit and said, “it’s a boy!” I kinda choked and replied “it’s a boy?!” I was actually not surprised, it was more like a confirmation of something I felt like I already knew. We had been saying “he” when referring to BB and I think I just had some sort of feeling. I couldn’t see Sean’s face but I knew that he was excited to hear that he was going to have a mini Sean. The doctor continued the ultrasound for at least 30 more minutes. It was way more intense that what you see on TV, he wasn’t able to see part of BB’s heart and so he dug that wand into me with both hands trying to move him around to get a better view. It was so painful and many times I wanted to ask him to stop but I decided that knowing my little dude was healthy outweighed my temporary discomfort.

After the exam he said everything was perfect and he didn’t need to see us again for another ultrasound because he saw everything he needed to see. What a relief! He printed out the 3D pic of BB’s face and a few of his mini-man parts and one of his tiny feet. As you can see from the pic, if you know Sean, he really does look like him.

After we left the doctor’s office and we were sitting in the car I asked Sean what he thought about having a mini Sean, he had a little grin and he said slight relief because having a boy was a little less stressful than having a girl. Now whenever I say mini Sean he gets a little smile and I think he has visions of playing with toys, riding bikes, shooting guns and getting tattoos with his kid. Of course most of those things will happen after the age of 18.

Sean’s Mum is visiting us this weekend and brought us a couple of his baby blankets, a mobile and other precious items that she has been saving. I just can’t believe that both her and my Mum saved these items for 34 years. It’s pretty touching.

Now that we know it’s a boy I all of a sudden have this extra connection that I didn’t have before. “It” is now a “he.” The little guy is a little person in there getting bigger and stronger every day. We don’t have a name for him yet, I think that’s going to be a very very difficult decision. I also don’t think I want to tell anybody which names we like because everyone has an opinion and are less likely to share it after the baby is born.

B3 is now starting to wake me up in the morning with his exercise routine. I think he likes to first stretch out his legs, then his arms, give a few kicks and punches and then practice his somersaults. I have also really noticed how much the food I eat affects how quickly he starts to move around and the amount of energy he exudes. This morning we had waffles for breakfast and I had some Knott’s Berry Farm Boysenberry syrup. Right after I finished eating he was the most active he has ever been, must have been the high fructose corn syrup that got him all riled up.

I started reading a blog by Teresa Strasser from the Adam Corolla Show and it’s my absolute favorite. She has brought real humor to some very difficult times during her pregnancy. I found her blog because I was looking up weight gain and was worried that I was gaining too much as according to all the pregnancy books I read. I gained 2 pounds this past week and I have now gained a total of 14 pounds. This is still within what the books say is “normal” but if I continue to gain 2 pounds a week that means I will gain 38 more pounds and that seems out of control. Teresa and many others who commented on her posts basically made me realize that the people that write those books must be using the skinny catwalk models as their references because not everyone is the same.

I was actually more worried about B3 because the doc told us he weighs a pound now and the books say that the baby should weight around 10.5 oz. The doc didn’t have any concern when he told us the weight so I’m not sweating bullets but I also know that babies that get too big can have medical issues. I know I know I need to stop worrying. I just want everything to be A-OK.

As for little old me, I am feeling pretty good except for some breathing issues. Sometimes I can’t get into a good enough position to feel like I’m getting enough oxygen in. It’s pretty scary. I have also noticed that my lower legs are getting a bit swollen by the end of the day if I have done a lot of standing. Nothing alarming, just noticed.

That’s about it for this week, the countdown is on, 19 weeks to go!

Half way there. w00t! Today I’m 5 months pregnant and have a short 5 more months to go. Actually, it seems like a hell of a long time to go but everyone tells me that it will go fast. Apparently I’m supposed to start gaining a pound a week. My math is not great, but I think that means that I’m supposed to gain 20 pounds? What? So far I’ve gained about 11 pounds, which is within reason, but I’ve also been a bit lazy about exercising and I need to get on that. I’m totally OK with gaining weight, but I need to try and stay toned and not all flabby!

This past week I learned two new things about Sean. The first thing I learned from his Mom was that he was born just a teensy weensy little guy at 5 lbs 9oz. How cute! He weighed less than Funston!! Can you imagine? This also thrilled me to death because I think I was about 7 lbs so I hope that the birth weight of the parents is an indication of how big their kid will be. I haven’t researched into this very much but that’s what I’m going to believe.

The second thing I learned is that Sean has never held a baby. I wasn’t very surprised and he seems to think that holding Lucky Cat is plenty practice. I learned from an internet friend that her husband “caught” the baby when it was born but I don’t think that would be the best time for Sean to hold our kid for the first time. Or maybe, it will be a good first bonding experience.

Having a kid means you need a lot of support before and after. I do have a couple of very supportive friends in the area but I don’t want to be a big burden on them so I joined the Venice Moms Group and they are my favorite new Internet friends! I posted a question asking if anyone had given birth with the Midwives at UCLA Westwood and I received a multitude of responses. Everyone was so thoughtful and supportive. It would not have been this easy to get this kind of valuable feedback without the Internet. Thank you Interwebs!!

I’m really excited for this week because it’s BIG! We get our 3D ultrasound on Wednesday and fingers crossed we learn the gender of BB. I can’t wait! We also interview two more doulas and will make a choice on who is going to coach us on this crazy baby business. Maybe she will convince Sean to practice holding a doll or something, I mean, if a 13 year old can do it…

I’m almost at the half way point! Apparently pregnancy lasts 40 weeks which is 10 months not 9. Where did the 9 months ever come from?

The last week has been a major eye opener for me. Sean and I watched the documentary “The Business of Being Born” and and my idea of birthing has completely changed 180 degrees. I have never really thought too much about “options” when it comes to having a baby, I just figured you have contractions, go to the hospital, get put in a wheelchair, fill out some paperwork, get wheeled to your hospital room, hop onto the hospital bed, get an epidural, and push and scream until the kid pops out. I bet I’m in the majority thinking that’s the way it is done, I mean we all see it done like that on TV and in the movies. Well, after watching the documentary, reading some articles on the topic and speaking to some doulas over the phone, I have come to realize that is the way doctors and insurance companies want you to do it but not the best way of doing it for the mother or the baby.

Once you get to the hospital, you are put on a schedule and if you don’t follow that schedule they start pumping you full of drugs to move you along. Those drugs put stress on the baby who is no longer on his natural schedule and all of a sudden a cesarean is needed because everything is out of whack. In addition because of insurance, in most hospitals mothers have to give birth in the hospital bed which is not the most natural way to give birth because it puts pressure on the pelvic region. Also if you think about it, it makes much more sense to deliver in a vertical position to let gravity do some of the work. Even in the case of an epidural, you are all of a sudden paralyzed from the waist down and can’t move around, and on top of that you can’t feel anything so you are more prone to tearing and other post birthing pain because you couldn’t feel anything to try and prevent it.

I have gone from a birth plan of showing up at the hospital, getting an epidural and letting the nurses and doctor deliver my baby to wanting to deliver my baby with a midwife at home. Unfortunately I’m not sure that delivering at home is an option for me because of insurance (even though it costs $4000-6000 compared to $20,000 in the hospital). I found out about UCLA Westwood that has a staff of midwives and I plan to tour that facility and speak to them. All of the doulas I have spoken to said that the most pleasant and happy births they have attended were at that hospital with the midwives. The nice thing is that you do get peace of mind where if a doctor is needed for intervention they are close by as opposed to having to travel to the hospital quickly if something goes wrong.

So my new plan is to work with a doula before, during and after the birth and have a midwife work with us during the birth. You might wonder why I want a doula. Neither Sean nor I have any family in LA and are both out of touch with how to care for a baby. I also want to work with someone on techniques like hypnotherapy and massage to be able to deliver naturally. A doula will help you prepare for the birth, be with you when the contractions start, take you to the hospital, stay with you through the whole birth and help you through it, help you start breastfeeding and then visit you at home to help with things like giving the first bath. I have researched that people who work with doulas have a higher success rate of natural births than those that don’t. I have also spoken to friends, both men and women, who have worked with a doula and said that they couldn’t have done it without them. Today Sean and I interviewed our first doula and really like her. It turns out that she worked with Shepard and Amanda Fairey on both their births which was good news to Sean because they are good friends of his. We have plans to interview two more doulas but I already like the first one so I might just commit to her. I think one of the most important things is to click with your doula because she will be with you for one of the most important times in your life.

As for BB, I posted a week ago that we felt the baby kicking or punching or headbutting us on the outside which was a total thrill. I didn’t think it would be so soon or where my stomach used to be…I thought it would be lower but I guess my stomach and intestines are squished towards the back now. When I feel it, it feels like a little “Pop!” Sometimes there are a bunch in a row or just one or two. BB is more active after I eat, they say that’s because the baby gets energy from the food and a good reminder that what you eat is affecting your kid.

About the same time that we could feel the baby kick on the outside, Funston started to become very clingy. I thought it was my imagination but Sean has also noticed that the little dude doesn’t want to leave my side. I was wondering if this was going to happen a couple of posts ago and I guess he can just sense something even more now. I haven’t noticed a change in Lucky Cat except she still insists on stepping on my belly every time she tries to go from one side of me to the other. Owch!

I had to break down and buy a couple pairs of maternity pants. I was actually quite upset about it but the Motherhood store had them for pretty cheap and I’m pretty desperate for a pair of jeans to wear now that it’s getting colder. I’ve had a hard time with bras because I already need some more, but they are expensive and I don’t want to have to keep buying them. The lady at Motherhood said to buy some without underwires but I’m not sure I’ll feel very supported. Sigh.

This week the baby is the size of an heirloom tomato. Last week it was a bell pepper. I never really put the two veggies side by side to really compare the difference but I’m pretty sure the kid is a bit bigger this week then last week.

Lastly I should mention that Sean and I plan on buying everything second hand. It seems that many baby items are used very few times and it seems more economical to not buy new. We plan on passing these items along to someone else (using Neighborgoods) when we are done. If you have any baby stuff for sale, we haven’t purchased a single thing yet.

Thanks for reading. Until next week!

At 11:15pm today I started feeling baby Bonner move around, but more like popping so I felt my belly and felt it with my hand. I put Sean’s hand on my belly and he felt it too. He then told me he felt it last nite when we were sleeping. Awwwww so sweet he felt it first.

I didn’t post week 16 or 17 because I was on vacation and OK, a tad lazy. Sean, Jason and I went to SE Asia (Hong Kong, Singapore, and Bangkok). I felt pretty good the whole time despite the heat and humidity. There was tons of good food to eat everywhere, but I didn’t stuff my face because I was pretty stopped up still which really sucked.

My Mum was really worried that I would blow up like a balloon on the plane or in the heat but I didn’t have a problem. I just made sure to drink lots of liquids and move around the plane frequently on the 14 hour flights.

Somewhere between LA and Hong Kong I’m pretty sure I felt Baby Bonner move for the first time. I can see why first time Mums can confuse it with gas (cuz we get lots of it!). Since then I feel something at least once a day. It feels kind of like a little fish swimming in my tummy. It starts and stops pretty quickly. I can’t wait to feel the movement on the outside so Sean can feel it.

We did a ton of walking on our trip and I really noticed how quickly I would get out of breath when walking up flights of stairs. I also found it difficult to stand for any period of time. When we got home I rode my bike a bit and it was so uncomfortable on my butt and my lower back. It makes me sad because I really love my bike but unless I get some big cushy seat I think I’ll have to stop riding or get another cruiser bike (mine was stolen).

These past few days my belly has been looking more round and pregnant as opposed to just fat and mushy which pleases me, it just looks better with clothes and I feel better about myself. I totally get the whole I need to gain weight thing, but a few years ago I got a little chunky and I worked hard to lose weight and I really don’t want to get back to that place again so I’m trying to watch what I eat and stay healthy.

Related, my new obsession is perusing Google images for photos of women the same number of weeks as me so I can see if I’m “normal” or “too huge.” I know that everyone is different but I don’t want to be godzilla prego lady.

I haven’t had any cravings these days, although I started drinking soda in SE Asia, which is strange because I’m not a big soda drinker and I’ve felt like it more and more since then. Not a good habit to get into, plus having soda with real sugar kicks so much ass on high fructose corn syrup.

Last week we heard the heartbeat – 145 and on Oct. 14th we have our 3D ultrasound appt and I hope we also learn the sex. We (or at least I) have a name for a girl but boys are hard. Plus with the last name Bonner I’m paranoid about the poor kid being called “boner” so I want to ensure the first name doesn’t cause any additional jokes.

I need to sign off so I can buy some maternity jeans and a bathing suit. I was literally popping out of my suit on vacation and I need to get back to swimming.

Until next week…

Time is really flying, but in some ways it’s not.  As I get closer to the time that I should be feeling the baby move it can’t come fast enough.  Having proof other than cramps that he or she is in there and alive and kicking will bring me a lot of comfort.  I also look forward to when the baby can hear.  My friend Hillary said that the baby her wife is carrying can recognize her voice.  That is so thrilling and I look forward to it.

This past week I have been getting stomach aches and haven’t been eating a lot.  I eat about one major meal and I can’t even get through the entire thing.  I don’t feel nauseous, just a constant sour stomach.   I think it has something to do with being constipated :/.

I keep waking up at 4 or 5am and then can’t get back to sleep until after 7. Then I sleep in until I’m pretty much late for work.  I think I should just force myself to get up but then I’m tired for the whole day.  It’s a bummer.

So far I have gained 4 pounds, from my pic it looks like a heck of a lot more, but I think I’m right on track so I feel good about that.

I didn’t exercise very much last week which disappointed me. I didn’t swim once and that usually helps relax me and help me to sleep.  On Thursday I rode my bike home with Funston and my laptop in my messenger bag and it pretty much killed my lower back for the entire next day.  Sitting on my saddle feels different and uncomfortable and even though I’m only a few pounds more than before I was pregnant, things are shifting around and I need to just not have as much weight on my back when riding.

I feel thirsty all the time and seriously can’t get enough fluids into me.  It has been hot here in LA, so that has something to do with it, but I think my own body temperature is also rising.

I’ve been feeling a little bit faint on occasion – I can’t stand for long periods of time.  We went to a NIN’s concert and I was able to lean against a wall which helped a lot.  I looked it up and there is increased blood flow and all these other things that can cause dizziness so totally normal.

Overall I’m feeling better, but I do have good days and bad days.

The best thing that happened to me this week was when I got home the other day and there was a book on the coffee table If your kid eats this book, everything will still be OK by Lara Zibners, MD.  I asked Sean where it came from and he said he bought it. I was in shock.  As I have said, he is very supportive but he hasn’t really initiated any baby conversations and doesn’t look at my pregnancy books, so I figured he just isn’t ready.  This was definitely a break-through.  He has also taken some very clear stands on some ideas and questions I have had which is great.  I had this idea to come up with a couple of names and then when the baby was born to pick one after we have met him or her.  Sean thought this was the dumbest idea ever because he was worried about birth certificates and all that.  I am very happy when he has a strong opinion because it means he cares and realizes that these are important discussions to have.

We leave on Wednesday for SE Asia. I talked to two of my nurses and they just said to ensure I drink lots of liquids on the plane and get up every hour to prevent blood clots. Easy enough.  We are going to major cities so if there is a problem then I’ll be able to get care.

That’s it from me, here’s what the baby is up to this coming week:

- many women don’t start feeling the baby move until the 17th week (or later), but if you feel a little flutter in your belly this week, don’t discount it as gas or hunger. It could be your babe banging around.

- Baby’s head is now resting on his well-formed neck instead of directly on his shoulders like Igor.

- He’s beginning to grow eyebrows and eyelashes this week.

- The hair on the head also begins to grow

- Will start producing lanugo, which is fine hair that will cover your baby’s body up until a few weeks before birth.

- Although baby’s eyes are sealed shut, he’s now able to sense light. His eyes and ears finally look like real baby features now. As your baby practices sucking and swallowing actions, he may actually hiccup. You’ll know he’s had one too many shots of amniotic fluid by the steady thump-thump you feel.

- Over the next month, baby will grow faster than ever

- Your baby now measures nearly 4 inches, about the size of a Kit Kat “finger” or an apple (if we want to stick with fruit) and weighs more than 2 ounces.

I’m growing hair in weird places and I’m getting sunspots. In the good news department my hair is less greasy.

Today marks my transition from the first to second trimester.  In all the literature this is cause for celebration because it means that your chance of miscarriage greatly decreases.  It’s also supposed to mean the start of feeling amazing, although that hasn’t kicked in yet.  I have had my good days and bad days. Here’s how I’m feeling:

Crampy.  I have been swimming and doing yoga and walking which helps (did I mention that last week? I can’t remember, I’m losing my mind).  I really thought that I would get a reprieve from any menstrual symptoms but apparently not.

Big.  In the last couple days I have popped out and it has even caused me to pop some buttons.  I had to buy a skirt today at REI that just has a wide elastic waistband because all of my pants have become tight.  The button of my shorts went careening through the air at the store today and I had to hold them up for the rest of the day.  I don’t have any sweatpants but I have some Lululemon pants that I think will work for awhile and I’ll probably go to a second hand store and buy some boy jeans.  Maternity clothes don’t appeal to me at all and if Souris can get away without buying any maternity wear save for a pair of jeans, so can I.

Headaches. I got a doozy a week ago and I got another bad one yesterday.  Nothing really fixes it except time.  I imagine it’s the hormones because I haven’t experiences ones like this before.  I learned a couple of techniques at Prenatal Yoga today that I will try out and I have some tea that is supposed to help relax me.

Constipated. I never ever thought it would happen to me. FFFFFFUUUUUU

Still addicted to eggs. I’m over milkshakes though because I had the worst stomach ache of my life the other night after eating popcorn with butter and then a caprese sandwich.  It lasted all night and I think it was all the dairy or fat or something.  I can’t really think of any foods that I absolutely must have.  I get super super hungry but then I eat and I can’t finish everything. It’s a bit strange and annoying.

Thirsty as heck.  I have bottles of water everywhere because I hate the taste of the Brita water. I know I know, I’m horrible. But hey, you want me to be dehydrated?

Out of breath.  I’ve been having a hard time breathing really deep and sometimes I get out breath when walking up the stairs.  I’m not a ton heavier than I was, so It’s gotta be hormones or something.

I think that’s about it for how I feel.  In other news, I met someone at my Prenatal Yoga class today that has the exact same due date as me. How random.  She is super tiny and you can’t even tell she’s pregnant and then I look at myself and I have this bulge like I’m 20 weeks pregnant.  Krikey. Also, my cousin’s wife is due 2 weeks after me.  This is pretty cool because me and him are a month apart and there are pics of us crawling around together. It would be fun if our kids could do the same.

We are leaving in a week for SE Asia and I’m excited. I know I have to be cautious and ensure on the long plane ride I get up all the time and drink tons of water.  I’m well traveled so I’m not going to eat or do something that will be dangerous.  I will of course have Sean and Jason at my beckon call so I’m sure everything will be amazing.

That’s it.  Yaay second trimester!

I have a stupidly bad memory and now that my little secret is out, I’m going to journal my experience carrying Sean’s spawn so if I ever “decide” to do this again I can kick myself in the head.  My books all seem to give me a weekly play by play so I will do the same.  A new week starts for me every Sunday and tomorrow I will be 13 weeks.

So far, I have felt pretty dang sick every day.  Not throwing up, but just constantly nauseous. I understand feeling shitty is actually a good thing in terms of how the pregnancy is going.  How sweet, the shittier you feel, the happier the baby is.

I get lots of mild cramps. Apparently my uterus is getting bigger, its about grapefruit size now.  For some reason all the books measure things in fruit, it’s kind of turned me off of it. Maybe they should have picked desserts so we all stop craving those. Mmm, my uterus is the same size as 2 scoops of ice cream. Gross.  Anyway, I was kind of nervous about the cramps b/c it can also mean miscarriage, but I didn’t have any other signs of that (blood) so that was all good.

My snot is different. I’m serious.  It’s a different color and consistency now.  I wake up and its plugging my nose.  No idea on this other than apparently getting stuffed up is common.

Some things taste super horrible to me now, namely the water in our Brita containers.  Sean changed the filters but it still tastes really like metal to me now.  I have to drink it flavored or have bottled water which I feel guilty about.

I absolutely love milkshakes.  I used to have them on occasion for a treat, but now I want them all the time. Oh that and Green Tea Frapuccinos from Starbucks. Can’t get enough.  I’m only supposed to be consuming 300 extra calories so these desires are not helping me try to pack the weight on slowly.

I think I smell different. Or I just get smellier faster. I used to be able to shower every other day no problem, but now I feel like I need to shower a couple times a day.  And its this musky smell that I’m not familiar with.

I’m getting over being really tired now, and instead can’t sleep very well. I wake up all during the night and don’t feel like I get into a deep sleep until after 5 or 6 which sucks because I keep getting up later and later for work.

I got this stupidly bad tension headache two days ago and it won’t go away.  I have had them before but never for this long.  I got a massage, relaxed, rested, got a mani pedi, drank lots of water, etc.  I read that all the extra hormones can contribute to it, so I suppose that’s the deal.  Just sucks because I’m dealing with all this other stuff and it makes me feel like I can’t function.

My boobs are gigantic. We are talking triple Ds. Ya. Apparently they just keep getting bigger and bigger and don’t stop until 3 weeks after I give birth. I’m scared because like, that means I have 30 more weeks to go. Am I going to end up an F? An XX? In addition to the size, my nipples totally look different.  I really don’t understand why all these changes have to happen so fast when I have 6 months to go.

I have a bit of a belly.  I have gained a few pounds so I think it must be bloating or something because there is no way I should be this fat.  The books say that some people will have gained  few pounds so I think I’m OK.  My pants aren’t fitting me very well, but again the book says that might start happening around this time so I’m not super paranoid.  I have been exercising – swimming, biking, walking, etc.  Not as much as I want to, and now that I’m starting to feel a bit better I will do it more.  I am paranoid to end up stupidly overweight, I just want to gain the normal weight so it doesn’t take forever to take it off.  I see women around Venice all the time that are hugely pregnant but also fit.  I want to be that way too.

I’m not going to lie, so far I am not enjoying this at all. The books say that when you go into your second trimester you start to feel great, then in your third you start to feel crappy again, so I will cherish the next 90 days.

As for the baby, in week 13:

• fingerprints have formed
• veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin
• body is starting to catch up with her head
• the baby is almost 3 inches long and weighs nearly an ounce
• baby’s intestines are migrating from the umbilical cord into his or her abdomen
• it’s liver begins to secret bile
• all twenty baby teeth have formed and are waiting under the gums
• it has begun to practice swallowing by taking in the surrounding amniotic fluid and passing it back into the amniotic sac through his urine
• it can now smile and his vocal cords are quickly developing, too.
• it’s beginning to look a little more human and less like an alien, as his eyes move closer together and the ears begin moving to what will be their normal position.

I never thought that I would ever be writing these words, “I’m pregnant.” Yep, Sean Bonner and I are going to have a baby. I wrote a post awhile ago explaining that I have advanced ovarian endometriosis in addition to hypothyroidism and I was told by two different doctors that specialize in fertility that I had about a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. I guess I should have gone for that third opinion because they were both wrong (note to self, contact them and let them know the good news).

As per my post I did make some health changes.  I ate vegan for a little while, but found it too challenging, so I essentially am vegetarian but will indulge in seafood now and again.  I stopped eating dairy for the most part and started drinking rice and almond milk instead.  I upped my veggie and fruit consumption and of course don’t eat meat.  I don’t know if it made any difference or if it was Sean’s Superman Sperm, but we bucked the odds.  I still have endometriosis, but I am told that it might retreat during the course of my pregnancy.

Finding out I was pregnant was a MAJOR shock to both of us.  I had been feeling really crummy and attributed it to my endometriosis and made an appointment to see the doctor.  It was a couple of days before I went to see him that I took the pregnancy test and it was positive.  I started laughing because it was just too unbelievable to me.

Sean and I talked about kids in the sense that one day if we both wanted them we would look at adoption, but it was a very infrequent conversation. Neither one of us goes gaga for kids and I don’t have a ticking clock going off.  In fact, we had just started discussing a year long trip around the world. Getting pregnant was not something we planned or even thought we could plan.  All I wanted from trying to beat my endo was to not be in so much pain and to take back the choice to have kids so that if I decided to, I could.

Despite our apprehension with the situation, we went to the OB-GYN and sure enough, there was the little blob with the flicking heartbeat.  I’m put in the “high risk” category because I turn 35 in November but we just finished some screening tests and the doc said the baby looks healthy.  I decided to let people know after this doctor visit because let me tell you, keeping this secret at work when you are sick and tired is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I am so thankful to my boss whose wife is pregnant because I finally broke down and told him and he immediately started giving me info on doulas (I heart you Bob Moz!).

I am also very thankful to the people who have been supportive of me and it’s nice to know I have friends that are also pregnant or recently gave birth so I can inundate them with questions and be part of another club.  Of course I am the most thankful to my dude Sean who is very supportive despite being incredibly freaked out.  Didn’t we just get married?

So ya, I’m pregnant, and I’m super scared and nervous but I also have little moments of excitement.  I mean, who wouldn’t want Sean Bonner to be the father to their kid?  He’s badass, adventurous, loves cute things, has a bunch of rad toys, and is pretty dang smart.  I know everyone thinks that their baby is a miracle, but I honestly really think that.  The baby is due on Sean’s birthday in late February and in the Year of the Tiger which is the same as my Chinese Zodiac.  I think that just puts a cherry on top.