Me, just kind of different

Last week me and Sean’s marriage certificate arrived.  This was pretty exciting because it meant that I had the paperwork needed to change my last name to ‘Bonner.’  I already started registering on some sites with “Tara Bonner” and Jason bought me the domain tarabonner.com.

I started researching how to change my last name, and it’s not as straightforward as I had hoped because I am Canadian and I am in the US as a permanent resident.  Doing this research has caused me to pause and think about what it means to change my last name.

In my previous marriage, I had absolutely no intention of changing my last name.  It just wasn’t something that I even thought about doing.  Perhaps it was because I wasn’t a fan of the last name or because I was much more liberated in my youth.  Doesn’t really matter.  In my new and improved second marriage to Sean, I was excited by the prospect of showing my commitment by changing my last name.  To me it meant unity, putting both my feet in, being a family, etc.

Undoubtedly I still feel that way, but I am wondering what will happen to my online identity.  Will people looking for me be able to find me?  On many sites I don’t have a way to easily switch from “Tara Brown” to “Tara Bonner” let alone provide some sort of note to indicate that I am the same person.

Some sites make it easy to change your display and login names as long as they are still available, and others make you re-register.  Right now it’s a damn mess because I’m either “tara,” “tarabrown,” or “tarabonner” all over the Internet.  I didn’t make notes about who I am on any particular site so I’m going to be relying a lot on that much used feature “forgot login?”

It occurred to me that Microformats may help with this issue, but I need to check in with the experts on that and I highly doubt it will solve all my problems across all websites because there is no UI on any of them that alerts people to a name change.

I have a feeling that I am going to be doing a lot of redirecting and adding “Bonner (BROWN)” to the last name field so the accute will realize that “Tara Brown” and “Tara Bonner” are one in the same.  I’m going to have to send emails, tweets, posts, maybe even some snail mail until people know that I still exist, just in a slightly different format.  At least my inititals “tlb” remain the same so I don’t have to change them in Microsoft Office because God only knows how you do that.

If you’ve gone through the pain of changing your online identity, I would love to hear any tips you might have.

Namaste.

Filed under: life , last name, marriage, microformats, name change, online identity

Home alone and it’s got me thinking…

I’m home alone, watching some hockey on the tube, cuddling Lucky Cat and Funston and spending time interacting with my peeps on Twitter, Flickr and Facebook.  I don’t remember the last time I got to just veg out all lonesome like.  It’s pretty awesome I must say.  One thing I realized is that my Twitter stream becomes static pretty quickly now that I only follow 100+ people.  I also realized that there are some people that I really really miss…especially those people that I used to interact with when I first started using Twitter.  Unfortunately, I made some decisions around who to follow and not follow to make it easier to keep up with friends and I decided to unfollow people that I have never met or that I don’t interact with on a regular basis.  Well, I’ve changed my mind people! Yep! I’m upping the numbers again. Of course I reserve the right to unfollow if my stream gets pwn’d with your frivolous nonsense, but that goes both ways, right?  So, if we were Twitter pals, and I unfollowed you, please send me a smoke signal so I can add you back. I have this horrible memory and I can’t remember everyone’s twitter names.  Thanks!!

Filed under: life , follow more people, home alone, miss my friends, need more action, twitter

AWOL

This past weekend I decided to forgo yummy cupcakes and fun holiday parties to get the fuck out of dodge. I was getting to the point of no return after two weeks of being down in the dumps and I didn’t want to end up like those 20+ people every year that jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.

It probably seems odd that I would be depressed after just moving to San Francisco, starting a great new job, and getting married. I know that I am fortunate, and I’m not complaining.

That being said, I couldn’t shake my depressed mood and I heard somewhere that when you are at a loss and feeling sad and depressed, you need to go home for the answers. So I bought a ticket for Seattle and rented a car to head home to Vancouver.

After I arrived in Seattle I met some friends for brunch. Alix and Bruce have been through a lot with me over a very short period of time and I don’t know what I would do without them.

I made a stop at one of my “spots” – Gasworks Park and did some thinking. I used to run there every morning with my belated dog Trooper and watch the sailboats.

Next was a visit with my beautiful horse, Bleu. I have had him for almost 2 years and he is the epitome of the “spirit of a horse” that touches your very core. He is gentle and calm and I could hug him all day long.

It was time to leave Seattle and head north to Langley, B.C. to visit with my Dad and brothers. Driving solo allows you to do a lot of thinking, and as I was driving I started to think about my Yukon Denali that I had recently sold to be carless. At first I thought that I missed the vehicle. Then I thought how ridiculous a notion it was to miss a material good like that and finally came to the logical conclusion that I was being nostalgic for the memories associated with the vehicle. I used to haul my dogs and horse trailer around everywhere and had a lot of great adventures in it including a very special roadtrip.

Once I arrived at my Dad’s I started chatting right away with him and Donna and just brainstormed with them about what I was feeling. It was so incredibly helpful to be in a setting that was comfortable – I had grown up in that house and could instantly curl up and just speak my mind without judgment or guilt. I had my dog Sydney and my cat Foobie at my side and I felt at ease.

After doing some reflecting I have come to the conclusion that after so many changes for me over the past year, and after finally slowing down and stabilizing, everything just hit me. I’ve posted about leaving some of my pets with my dad when I moved to San Francisco, and one of my dog’s dying tragically, and I think part of my mood change was starting the grieving process for the things I left behind.

In addition, I really REALLY want to live somewhere that not only can I call home but feels like home. I have moved so many times over the past 12 years and never stayed for more than a year or two. Right now I am living in a great house, but with a roommate, which screams temporary. There isn’t room for Sean’s things, which means he feels and acts like a guest, and that makes me feel guilty. So that means some changes are on the horizon. Changes that will lead to a sense of permanency.

The good news, is that I feel like I am back on track. I am not 100% yet, but I feel positive again. I know why I am feeling what I am feeling and I have to allow myself to go through the process.

I would like thank my friends and family for being there for me, especially my amazing husband Sean.  I know that it can be difficult to be around someone that isn’t cheery because you need to be that much stronger. I can promise you that I will reciprocate when you need me.

Namaste

Filed under: life , "too emo?", awol, depressed, emo, emotions, home, reflecting