Twitterbreak – My 24 Hour Hiatus from Twitter

I’ve been out of the Twitterverse for more than 24 hours now, and decided to plop down some thoughts on the experience as my first tweet back on the grid.

I should probably start off with why I started this crazy endeavor. Honestly, it was because I was mad. I was mad at myself for putting too much of my social weight on Twitter. I was mad that I had become addicted to its constant input. I was mad because I was neglecting my non Twitter friends and life.  So, I decided to go cold turkey and see what would happen.

For the first couple of hours I went through serious withdrawals.  Friends started IMing me asking if I was pissed off about something. Coworkers asked me how I was going to find and share cool stuff with them. My Dad posted this on my Facebook wall “I hope being twitless isn’t too hard on the digestive system – oh well only a few hours to go.”  When I got home, I would look over Sean’s (@seanbonner) shoulder as he reviewed Tweetdeck, but being the good supportive husband that he is, he would swiftly shove me away.

I laughed at everyone, telling them it was no big deal, that I could do it, because I was a strong and didn’t have an addictive personality.  The good thing is, my friends still found me.  There’s this really cool thing called instant messenger (IM) and this old school technology called e-mail. Also, Facebook is a pretty good place to find old friends and is in fact where most of my friends are, Twitter is in fact, a subset of those friends.

Things got a little more logistically difficult when it was time to organize my weekly online Heroes webcam chat.  Usually I would tweet the service and password to get in.  I had to come up with another way to do it.  I felt that it would be cheating to ask Sean to tweet it, so I texted and IM’d friends and managed to get the whole thing arranged.  It was definitely more inconvenient because I couldn’t just broadcast once and get it over with, I had to text one person to get their GTalk address, then I had to IM with each of them to get them to install ooVoo.  Twitter definitely was an efficient way to do the one to many, and many to many information broadcast in less than 140 characters.  I also wasn’t accepting DMs/SMS messages from Twitter, so it got tricky when I didn’t have a phone number, email address or IM username.

As the night wore on, Sean and I started playing Left 4 Dead over XBOX Live with Jason DeFillippo (@jpdefillippo). It was a ton of fun and Sean promptly tweeted about it.  Of course I wanted to tweet about it too, but couldn’t.  The I wrote a blog post, and I couldn’t tweet about that.  I started logging into Facebook and posting links there because the idea of keeping ideas and thoughts to myself was horrific and I just couldn’t groc it.  What was really tough was that I had a bunch of questions I needed answers to, and I didn’t know how to get answers without using Twitter. How did I used to? It reminded me of a question I sometimes ask myself, “did I seriously use the Yellow Pages to find businesses? Would I actually bring a paper map with me to navigate my way to a new location?”

When I got into work this morning, I usually like to read what my friends are up to, find out what’s going on in the news and I couldn’t do that, so I felt disconnected.  What I think I missed the most though, was being able to tweet my (mostly) daily “Get Up Off Your Bootay” song that me and Dan Dofter (@dan) collaborate on.  I really like finding some fun music and debating with him which is a tweetworthy song.

So what do I do now? Do I stay away? Do I limit my time on Twitter?  My conclusion is that I find Twitter to be an invaluable tool.  I really don’t like e-mail so it saves a lot of that headache. Its a quick way to read up on a bunch of news.  I can see what some of my friends are up to. I can reach people that I normally couldn’t – like some of the Heroes actors and MCHammer! I get excellent feedback from people when I have a question – any sort of question really. What I need to do is limit my time on Twitter, and not hold it in high regard when it comes to determining who is and isn’t my friend.  Your friends will find a way to get in touch with you if your tweets go unanswered.  No one is every truly “off the grid” anymore.  Happy tweeting, and stay safe out there.  Namaste.

Filed under: life, twitter , 24 hiatus from Twitter, off the grid, twitter, twitterbreak

Where is she?

I’ve been really really missing my best friend Candice lately.  I think of her everyday. She died tragically on November 10, 2006 and I still haven’t gotten over it. I never will.

I am reposting two things I wrote on November 19th and 20th, 2006 when I was on Windows Live Spaces:

I lost my best friend on November 10th.  It seems so strange to blog about it, but I want to get a couple of messages out there to the world so that her death isn’t meaningless.

First, Candice and her boyfriend Owen were killed by a drunk driver.  I don’t need to tell you that drinking and driving is bad, but to me, its real now. Someone very dear to me died because someone was drinking and driving and now its not just a bad idea its a horribly tragic and needless atrocity.  For the sake of your family and friends and anyone else that could be affected by you drinking and driving, please don’t do it. And don’t let your friends and family do it.  The driver that killed them had friends in the car that could have stopped him but they didn’t and now they are dead too.  5 people died because one person decided to drink and drive.  He knew the road well that he was travelling on when he killed them, but he crossed the center line and hit them straight on.  My point is that it doesn’t matter how familiar you are with the road, you just can’t think straight when mixing alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Secondly, be good to your friends.  Candice loved her friends and showed kindness, respect, devotion, caring and love towards them.  She nurtured our relationship far more than I did. We have lived in different cities for the past 6 years and she was the one that worked the hardest to keep our friendship alive by visiting, emailing and calling me.  My birthday and Christmas are going to be tough this year b/c I always looked forward to hearing from her and exchanging gifts and cards.  She always put so much thought into her gifts and it wasn’t the fact she got me something it was that she cared about me enough to want to do something nice for me.  If you have a friend that you keep meaning to call or write to, just do it.  It’ll make you feel great and you will have no regrets.  They can be gone in a split second and you won’t ever get that chance to tell them how you feel, so do it today, do it right now.

Candice was on this planet for a reason and I think one of those reasons was to demonstrate what a true friend is and how easily you can lose them, so hold on tight, and look after them.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to say at Candice’s service and so I tried writing a poem.  I had it sitting in notepad on my computer and just now took another look at it and realized that it came out in the shape of a “C”.  It actually startled me when I discovered it.

waiting for your return
plans for a reunion
change in plans
unexpected
sadness
shock
dismay
anger
rage
loneliness
where did you go
when are you coming back
waiting to see you again

Filed under: annoyed, life , bestfriend, candice chisholm, miss my friend really badly, owen romaine

Old Music for an Old Lady

I’m older today and I’m not going to lie, I’m not taking the birthday very well.  I typically listen to music that is emotional when I’m not feeling my cheery self.  Usually when I feel this way I listen to a certain selection of old school songs from way back in the day that put me into more of an emotionally fragile state until I have it out of my system and feel a sense of relief.  This is the first time I have actually thought about what these songs mean to me and wrote it out.

“Still Remains” by Stone Temple Pilots on their Purple album
“If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend”
I think this song is intensely romantic, it says “I am so in love with this person that i would rather die than be without them.”  I have always thought that and there are very few other songs that come close.

“Big Empty” by Stone Temple Pilots from their Purple album
“time to take her home, her dizzy head is conscience laden..time to wait too long, time to wait too long”
I first fell in love with this song when I became obsessed with the movie “The Crow”
It’s hard to be in love with someone more than they are in love with you.  With someone that isn’t sure what they want. Especially if its you they aren’t sure of.

“I Love You” by Sarah McLachlan from her album Surfacing
“I have a smile stretched from ear to ear
…
World Around us Disappears
Its just you and me on my island of hope
The prayers between us could be miles
…
I grieve from my condition
For I cannot find the words to say I need you so”

Sarah is one of my all time favorite lyricists and musicians. I think her voice is beautiful and she feels every word that she sings.  I love falling asleep to her as its like a warm blanket.  This song in particular touches me because I have always been horrible about telling people how I feel about them – not just the man I love, but my family and friends as well.

“L.E.S. Artistes” by Santogold featuring Movado

What I’m searching for
To tell the truth I’m building a wall
…
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
…for the things that I believe
…
I’m an introverted excavator”

For some reason this song makes me think about the things I am willng to forego in order to be with someone I love and hoping that I am making a good choice

“At My Most Beautiful” by REM
“I found a way to make you
A way to make you smile”

Two people trying to figure things out.  Someone else seeing you and helping you to feel beautiful on the inside and out.

“Ex-factor” by Lauryn Hill from The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
“tell me who I have to be
…
see no one loves you more than me
and no one ever will
…
see I know what we have to do
you let go and I’ll let go too”

This is the ultimate break up song.  I was with someone that I cared for very deeply, but we were horrible as a couple. We fought very badly and were completely miserable together.  When I hear this song I don’t think of him, but this song hits at the very crux of many relationships…as much as it hurts sometimes you need to let go for the better of both of you

“Waiting For That Day / You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by George Michael
“I just sit here on this mountain thinking to myself
You’re a fool boy why don’t you go down find somebody find somebody else
My memory servers me far too well
Its not as though we just broke up
Its not as though it was yesterday
But something I just can’t explain
Something in me needs this pain
I know I’ll never see your face again”

Sometimes its hard to say goodbye to someone that you love.  Memories can be debilitating and can
stop you from moving on…as hard as it is you need to move on.  Its hard not to beg them to come
back.  But you can’t always get what you want.  The other person may have moved on and there isn’t a chance for reconciliation.

Filed under: music , interpretation, lyrics, meaning, music

Friend?

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching for the better part of this year trying to figure out who my friends are. Hell, even the definition of a friend is a mystery to me. As I was going through a lot of changes this year I relied on a lot on people, and in some cases, it was clear as mud who stuck with me, and in other cases, not so much.

I started to realize that I categorize friends based on a few variables.  Tonite I am staying in and finally writing my thoughts down after some recent events caused me frustration and disappointment and unfortunately, insecurity.  Writing is therapy and I think this will help me to feel “OK” again by figuring out my philosophy on friends and then just moving on.

These are some of the questions that have been raised in my mind:

• Types of Friends: How do I categorize the people I know?
• Frequency of Communication: How often do you need to communicate with someone to categorize them as a friend?
• Types of Communication: What kind of communication is necessary? Is there some sort of subject matter that differentiates between friend, acquaintance, co-worker…?
• Twitter Follows: Do we need to follow each other on Twitter to consider us friends?

Types of Friends
Childhood friends – I have friends that I have known for almost 30 years. These are people that I can call up or email and its like time never passed. People that I care deeply about and I know that despite a lag of even a year, think about me and send me good vibes. When I am 100, they will also remain in the category of “friend.” Co-worker turned friend -  I have friends that I met through work and ended up going for lunch with, team activities, after work drinks, etc. We became comrades against “the man” and they will always remain my friends. Facebook (FB) friends – Most of my friends on FB that comment on my status are my childhood or work friends. Interestingly enough, on average, they are not Twitter users. Online Friends -  These are people that I haven’t met In Real Life (IRL). We comment on each other’s Twitter messages, Flickr pics, Brightkite updates, etc. Most of these people I consider friends and I would love to meet in person. tokidoki Friends – These are friends that I see at parties, drink with, laugh with, have brief conversations with and nothing too deep. Friends I hang out with – Most of the friends I hang out with I haven’t known for very long. There are a few in San Francisco that I have known since 2000 and I would consider them my close friends because we stayed in touch when I moved up to Seattle for 4 years. There are very few friends that I have known since only this year that I hang out with that I would consider close friends.

Frequency of Communication
This is something that is important to me when it is coupled with the type of friend=”Friends I hang out with.” I can count on one hand the number of people that I regularly IM and text with who I also hang out with. If I am constantly the one that is pinging a friend, then after awhile I start to wonder why I am making the effort and if in fact they actually ever think to talk to me. My fuse on this is pretty long, but it is something at the back of my mind.

Types of Communication
If I trust you enough to share something with you that puts me in a vulnerable position.  i.e. it can hurt my reputation or can be used to hurt me then you are most definitely considered a close friend. If feel at ease discussing the interesting but more importantly the mundane and you don’t get bored with me, you are my friend. If I can call you, IM you, text you, or whatever communication medium at any time of day and you don’t hate me for it, then we are friends. Now that everyone is “public” with social networking profiles, it is very easy to defame someone. So if someone, purposefully attacks me publicly in order to cause me discomfort in some misconstrued retaliation attempt, they are no longer my friend. Period.

Twitter Follows
This topic has been plaguing me quite a bit since someone that I considered a friend stopped following me. I’m not someone that tells someone to follow me unless it seems appropriate to share Twitter names. I don’t want to put someone in an awkward position and I don’t want to be put in an awkward position.
So the idea of confronting them on this topic is just not something I can do.  I got advice from a few people that I think of as wise old Internet owls and they told me that Twitter following should not be included in the definition of friend. Its a very young medium and the social do’s and don’ts haven’t been worked out yet.
I’m not going to lie; even with this sage advice, it still hurt my feelings. Imagine going to Direct Message (DM) someone as if it was an email and finding out you can’t. Yes, I realize that I should just confront this person and ask why, but I feel like an idiot doing it.

In order to live the advice I have been given, I have come up with my own algorithm for following people. I only follow people that I have physically met in person (even if I had to wait in line for 2 hours to meet them ), with a couple of exceptions: I follow some businesses because their tweets I find of value. I follow a couple of people that I have never met but who I @ reply with a lot, or are good friends with my husband and I know I am going to meet any day now.

If I stop following someone its because we don’t see each other very often, the tweet subject matter is irrelevant to me (e.g. some people tweet a lot about coding standards and this is not very interesting to me), or we don’t DM or @ reply each other. There are some people that I keep up with by reviewing a webpage of their tweets. Some people I follow for awhile and then unfollow for some of the reasons mentioned.

I don’t have all the answers yet. I supposed I could write up a flow chart and plug people’s names in and the results would spit out my friends all nicely categorized, but unfortunately emotions aren’t something that a chart can interpret.

The net net of my learnings so far: Friends may be categorized as something one week and something else the next. All you can really do is be aware of how you feel when you are hanging out with people.  Treat people that you consider friends the way that you want to be treated. If there is something bothering you, speak up about it. It’s OK if someone moves from “friend I hang out with” to acquaintenance if you are exerting more effort than the value you are receiving in return. In other words, if you feel bad every time you hang out with someone or interact with them, they aren’t your friend.  Communication tools like Twitter and IM should not define whether someone is your friend. A combination of type of friend, frequency of communication and types of communication should determine that.  Most importantly, be a good
friend to yourself. You need to like yourself and want to be with yourself before you can be a good friend to anyone else.

Filed under: life , friend, reflection

Movember – something about hair

Donate to a good cause – your Movember donations go towards fighting Prostate Cancer.

Filed under: life , movember, prostate cancer